“Is Dan Snyder a ‘bad guy’ or a ‘lousy fellow?’”
No! Dan Snyder is a good guy! Snyder, who comes from modest beginnings, was nicknamed Dan “The Man” Snyder in college before he dropped out. Furthermore, his peers also called him “mushroom” in college as he was known to be such a “fun-gi”. Now I ask, does Daniel “The Man” “Fun-gi” Snyder sound like the type of sleazy, slimy businessman that the fake news media reports him as?
“Is Dan Snyder a ‘smart feller’ or a ‘fart smeller’?”
Snyder is known to be one of the sharpest business minds in the world, and his sense of smell is reportedly not very strong.
Why did Dan Snyder “Make an undisclosed monetary agreement with the Washington Post in 2014 to gain editorial rights of the paper’s comments about the team formerly known as the Redskins?”
Great question, and I'm so glad you asked. Snyder is viewed by his many peers, players and fans as one of the greatest if not the greatest trailblazers of our time. Snyder, who is known as a stout defender and conserver of free speech, was yet again ahead of the curve in his 2014 shindig with the Post. In fact, after Elon Musk’s acquisition of twitter which many dubbed “A win for free speech”, folks around the DMV took notice that Snyder was actually 8 years early to the trend, showcasing his pioneering spirit.
Why did Snyder attempt to sue Redskins season ticket holders who could not pay their tickets in full due to “foreclosures” and the “Great Recession” in 2009?
Snyder, like Jerome Powell, preaches financial literacy and stability to all, and was simply trying to teach citizens around the DMV the importance of financial literacy. Quite frankly, Snyder felt offended that “fans” of the organization had not been taking notes on his own financial practices and successes. The way Snyder saw it, if everybody was as financially nimble and conscious as himself, he wouldn’t have had to sue them. However, he did, to help them in the long run.
Why did Snyder “tell an employee to secretly pour milk under the carpet of Mark Lerner’s Fedex suite so that it would smell sour when he came to the game” due to real estate disputes?”
Firstly, Snyder prides himself as a man of faith and class, and vehemently denies the claims. Furthermore, even if Snyder had instructed an employee to pour the milk under the carpet, sour milk is known to have a range of benefits for human health. As does adversity, mind you. Further furthermore, as only Snyder can, he describes gameday as “more about the experiences than the plays. The smells, tastes, smiles, all of it.” It is hard to imagine that Lerner and his suite did not have an enriched, unique, and memorable experience, if the milk was poured. In fact, I’m willing to bet if you asked them who the Redskins played that Sunday, they would not be able to recall (Lions). You know what they likely would remember from that *alleged Sunday? That’s right. The smell of sour dairy. However, this is all dust in the wind since Snyder, who was often referred to as “16” in his sophomore year of high school likely due to his Abraham Lincoln-esque approach to honesty, denied the claims.
Why did Snyder “Pay a former female employee 1.6 million dollars to sign a non disclosure agreement regarding a sexual harassment claim on his private jet on the way back from the Academy of Country Music Awards in 2009?”
Snyder, who is known to be an avid country music fan, attended the 2009 CMA’s to watch his favorite band (Lady Antebellum) perform his favorite new hit song (Need You Now). As one can imagine, Snyder was visibly emotional on the way home from the concert. Snyder, often compared to the likes of Timothy Chalamet and John Lennon for his ability to feel emotion much greater than the average human, denies the claims vehemently. However, if said claims were to perhaps not be completely fabricated, one does not have to go far to recognize that this is a misunderstanding. As stated earlier, Snyder loves trying to touch people’s hearts, and his employee may have possibly taken that the wrong way, as the heart is located in the chest.
Why did Snyder allow for over 40 women who were former employees of the organization, including office workers and cheerleaders, to be sexually harassed and discriminated against by Snyder and other male executives, colleagues, and players of the team since at least 2006?
Snyder, who has long been known to have impaired vision(see below) as well as impaired hearing, sometimes struggles to pick up on things, particularly things his moral and ethical heart does not want to pick up on.
(Snyder struggles with vision as shown by this photo of him wearing glasses and still struggling to make out his environment)
Further more, Snyder’s job is very demanding; it is likely difficult for him to track every single thing.
I’ve added an interactive video to help you, the reader, understand. TRY IT.
Did it get ya? Don’t feel ashamed; it gets almost everyone! Gorillas are usually pretty identifiable, particularly in a social setting. However, here, the gorilla passes by seemingly unnoticed as the group of teens pass the ball.
This selective attention test is a great way to at least partially understand how difficult it must have been for Snyder to notice these claims of sexual misconduct around the team. I decided to do a special rendering of where Snyder’s mind may have been at the time which allowed this *alleged laps to happen.
Here we see Snyder’s POV regarding his responsibilities as an owner as well as a man of faith:
Depicted next is a similar glimpse into Snyder’s mind, however this image gives an explanation as to HOW and WHY he didn’t notice anything going on:
Was the gorilla present? Yes (Allegedly). Was it extremely hard to notice the gorilla since so many other things were going on? Also yes.
This, in turn, *allegedly could have led to a possible lapse in Snyder’s “disciple-like” standards he holds his employees to. Finally, it is important to note that what Snyder lacks in his visual and auditory senses, he more than makes up for with his heightened sense of touch, which he claims allows him to “touch the hearts of so many people.” Therefore, the alleged claims, while Snyder may have been present, were completely out of the control of Snyder.
Finally, why didn’t Snyder testify yesterday in court?
Snyder opening up about being camera shy, bullied by media
As made obvious by the above clip, Snyder simply has a fear of cameras, and likely feels as though he is unable to show his true self as the media often tends to bully and harass him seemingly without cause. The Commanders owner, unlike other franchise owners such as Mark Cuban or Donald Sterling, feels unable to express himself due to the fear that his opinions and interests will be ridiculed, similar to a 7th grader on a field trip telling his “friends” at the National Zoo that he thought pandas were the cutest animal and then being called “soft little panda boy” for the rest of middle school.
I hope this answers all questions regarding Snyder and we can move on from this. I just can’t wait to be back at FedEx Field, my favorite stadium in Landover, MD and perhaps all of PG County.
*This article is sponsored by The Washington Commanders and may not be copyrighted or distributed without the express written consent of the NFL.